my name is zachary heimark. i am 21 years old, until i'm not and forget to update it. i don't know how to learn. i have horrible disipline, and can't do much of what i want to do, purely by laziness and lack of knowledge. i'm trying to work on that though. results vary. i roughly try to categorise what i make into four 'pillars'. it's not a precise science but these are what i consider the most important factors in my life.
having a form of self-expression is one of the most important things for me. i would sacrifice a lot in my life to be able to create self-expression. writing, drawing*, music, fashion, etc. it all helps me define where i am in my life, and serves a purpose of allowing me to talk about my feelings and topics of interests in abstract ways. i would choose work that makes me unhappy so i can express that unhappiness, rather than a job that fulfills me financially. if the job fulfilled me creatively, then i would choose it over my pain. it's an odd order of choice, but i'm being honest. i use technology to make my creative projects a reality, very infrequently, and it's what i wake up to want.
it's hard to come to terms with mental health, and i still totally haven't, but it's still a topic that i find defines me and the types of topics i like to discuss in my creative work, and in a lot of what i consider important for me. the first question i ask typically before i do something is "how will this make me feel afterwards?" and it's a great question for myself since i find myself being self-destructive a lot of the time, and this stops a lot of those impulses. i've gotten better over the days. i try to journal, but it's hard for me to stick to a habit, my days are pretty sparatic due to a lack of a proper sleep schedule, and work.
in the age of technology, i find myself trying to decipher what i enjoy so much about learning about software, and hardware. everything is constantly changing, and becoming outdated. i find myself just wanting to take all of the technology to make things. anything from guitar pedals, homebrew games, websites, synthesizers, a blog engine, just about anything to fuel my need to create. it's a shame i don't know how to do any of that though. i love taking things apart. i'm just not good at putting them back together. i have an obsession with 'outdated' technology. i practically hoard old technology, and if i could afford to do it more, i would. i probably have a hoarder's mentality when it comes to why i have all these electronics. it allows me to create, create new things. i could be lying to myself, but hey, you never know. maybe one day i'll be able prove myself wrong.